Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Why does it seem to get harder?

Twelve years ago today Mike and I said goodbye to our sweet baby girl. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make. Through much prayer and faith we knew it was the right decision. We felt so strongly that Megan was only to be here but for a short moment. Heavenly Father needed her.
It has now been twelve years. I can remember that day almost as if it were yesterday. I can remember holding that sweet angel in my arms for the last time. I can remember Mike singing Families Can Be Together Forever to her.
What I am having a hard time understanding is why I am missing her so much right now. Everytime I think about her I find my eyes getting teary and I get that lump in my throat. Am I losing my faith? I know she is where she is supposed to be. I am greatful to know that she isn't having to deal with the trials here on earth. I know she is happy. So why am I so sad?

6 comments:

kristifritzel said...

because she is your baby and you miss her. Because you can look at Eberly and see just how wonderful Megan is, because the two sisters are just alike. I don't think it is a lack of faith, I think you are missing your sweet thing until the time you are reunited. Is it any different from how I have been crying over my family and desperately need to see my sisters again? Only, I know I will see you all in only a few months. You know your reunion is coming, but the time is unsure. Cry away and know I love you and am thinking of you.

Heidi said...

I'm sorry, Suzann-- I don't think there is anything wrong with you for missing Megan so much, certainly not a lack of faith! Just a mom missing her little girl. Hang in there!

Vidal's Nest said...

Because she is your baby! Because it's normal to feel a little cheated that you didn't get enough time to hold her, snuggle her, smell her!
It's totally understandable to feel that way. I don't think it means you're losing your faith at all, just feeling sad at what you missed!and knowing you have to wait to be able to do it!
I love you and am sorry you are having such a hard time! I wish it was easier for you!

Shelli said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Suzann. Knowing that you are a forever family is one thing. The waiting to be together again is the hardest part. I don't think you'll ever stop missing her until you're back together again. Your feelings aren't a lack of faith, they are a reminder of how deeply you love her. That's a good thing.

Hugs. I love you and I'll keep you in my prayers.

DANI KYNASTON said...

I think that it is perfectly normal to still feel the sorrow of loss. I would imagine that it will never go away. I don't know how it could. Faith cannot make it go away, it only helps us endure the pain.

One thing I learned in conference two years ago really stuck me. It is a principle that I have felt in my heart but I have never before heard put into words. Hopefully it will give you some comfort as it did me.

~The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

- Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Suzann said...

I cannot thank you enough for all your love and wonderful comments. It has meant the world to me. I am so greatful to have all of you in my lives. Love you@