Why does it seem to get harder?

Twelve years ago today Mike and I said goodbye to our sweet baby girl. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make. Through much prayer and faith we knew it was the right decision. We felt so strongly that Megan was only to be here but for a short moment. Heavenly Father needed her.
It has now been twelve years. I can remember that day almost as if it were yesterday. I can remember holding that sweet angel in my arms for the last time. I can remember Mike singing Families Can Be Together Forever to her.
What I am having a hard time understanding is why I am missing her so much right now. Everytime I think about her I find my eyes getting teary and I get that lump in my throat. Am I losing my faith? I know she is where she is supposed to be. I am greatful to know that she isn't having to deal with the trials here on earth. I know she is happy. So why am I so sad?

Working harder

The last few weeks have been very inspirational for me and my family. Between firesides and lessons at church I have learned so much and have begun working on implementing things I have learned to be a better parent.
Mike and I attended a special stake fireside a few weeks ago that was specifically for parents or leaders of children over the age of 10. From the moment I heard about it, I wanted to go. It seemed like "someone" was trying to make it so we couldn't attend. Things kept on coming up and frustration started to set in. I got to the point that I was about to give up. Things got all worked out except for getting someone to watch the kids. Brother Monroe, our first counselor, called to remind us about the fireside. I explained to him that we were currently working on trying to get a babysitter for the kids and having a hard time doing so. He was kind enough to offer the services of his daughter. I was so grateful.
The fireside was amazing. We learned so much. President Haynie is such an amazing man and so inspired. He was so encouraging. Something that stuck in my head was about teaching our children. One of the speakers saids something along the lines of..... we give our kids rules...BUT we need to follow up those rules with gospel doctrine. They need to understand WHY they have those rules.
This really stuck with me. How many times have I told my children to do something, but not explained why... ALL THE TIME!!! Since that fireside I have implemented that into my parenting. What a difference! Not only are they responding, but I am teaching them simple gospel principals at the same time.
Today in Sunday School Brother Chapman taught the lesson about what we can do daily to grow closer to Heavenly Father. It was a great lesson. The "normal" things were mentioned; prayer, temple attendance, being humble, obeying commandments.... But one discussion really stuck with me. Scriptures study. A family in our ward has just recently started scripture study in their home. They get up at 5:30 every morning and read scriptures together as a family. They said that it is amazing how much their family has grown and changed in the few short weeks that they have started doing this. The husband said "If you do scripture study with your family, your life WILL change." This really got to me. If this family could do it so can we!!! We are terrible about doing scripture study as a family. Between all the diffierent schedules "How are we ever going to make this work?" Then I thought to myself..this is just an excuse. LET'S JUST DO IT! So we have decided as a family that we are going to start reading our scriptures every day right after the kids get home from school. This will work with Mike working grave yards. We started today right after church. We came right home and read our scriptures. It was WONDERFUL! I felt the spirit so strongly that I actually got a little emotional.
Finally today in Relief Society we were discussing sharing our testimonies with our children and how important it is for them to know how we feel about the church. Again..Not so great at this. One sister shared something that I thought would be a great way to implement this into our family. As we are having daily conversations with our children we can easily share our testimony with them. It doesn't have to be "I'd like to bear my testimony"... For instance when the whole Chelsea King tragedy happened, my kids were really affected. I was able to ease their minds and hearts by sharing what we believe as members of the church. I was able to tell them that she is with her Heavenly Father and that I know that she will be with her family again. I didn't realize at the time that I was actually sharing my testimony with them. I am hoping that I can really start doing this more often.
I am so grateful for the all the wonderful people around me. While they were just sharing their thoughts in a church meeting.. they helped me want to work harder.

Tis' the Season...

Tis the season to be sicky..fa la la la la la la la la....Jimmy has been fighting a cold off and on for the last few weeks. First week started with a 24 hour fever. I wasn't too concerned because Sara had the exact same thing. Second week he came down with a LITTLE cough, but again got a fever that lasted less than 24 hours. I figured that he was fine since he no longer had a fever. Well, Saturday night he came down with ANOTHER fever. This one seemed a lot higher than the others. I thought "oh boy.. this is it.. this is going to be that fever that lingers." I was wrong. He woke up Sunday morning with no fever. His cough was a lot worse by this point.
Sunday morning also started Katie's downword spiral. Not the best way to spend Halloween. She was completely fine on Saturday, but woke up with a horrible cough and fever by the afternoon.
I decided that night that I should probably take Jimmy in to see Dr. Rosenfeld on Monday. 3 fevers in 3 weeks just wasn't sitting well with me. Plus his cough was getting a lot worse. I called the office Monday morning and was able to see her by the afternoon. I decided that I might as well take Katie in too since I was already going to be there.
Dr. Rosenfeld came in and started to check out the kids. I hadn't seen her in a while so we were catching up...when she smiled and said (while checking out Jimmy) "Well, how about Walking Pneumonia for ya?" Then she moved on to Katie.... "How about 2".
Two kids with walking pneumonia! Fortunately I took Katie in when I did. She had only been sick for two days. She was not nearly as bad as Jimmy is though.
They both got their breathing treatments and prescriptions. My kids have gotten walking pneumonia before. I normally have to take them back in to see the Doc in about 2 weeks after they start their inhalers and antibiotics. Not this time. Jimmy has to go back on Friday!!! That is how bad he is. He is super bummed because Friday is his birthday and not only does he have to go to the doctor.. he can't go to school. Katie can possibly go back on Thursday and Jimmy is out AT LEAST this whole week.
I am so glad I took them in. Who knows how sick they could have gotten. You have to understand.. Call in mother's intuition? I call it Heavenly Father inspiring me. My kids tend to not act sick when they are sick. Jimmy has been bouncing off the walls and Katie has been her normal chipper self.
Now my counter is filled with inhalers and antibiotics. Tis the season.